Well, this sucks!

Things could be worse, yes, but at the moment I am realizing the full ramifications of my actions.

I'm moving in a week and a half. I haven't even started packing. That's lame. My friend's coming over in the morning to help, but I don't even know where to start. I am so not ready. I don't really want to live with 4 other girls, but the long run will be better for me so I can save for my mission. (Assuming that I'm not defective and they reject me.)

I only have 25 more pounds to go. I'm 15 down! That's amazing, but not enough. Why do I feel like that's the going trend for me? I'm never enough. Not skinny enough, not tall enough, not pretty enough, just plain not good enough. I want to believe that's not really the case, but it's hard not to compare myself with others. Really hard.

I don't even want to be super skinny. I just want to be mission-eligible at this point. I want this for the right reasons, and in the case of pregnant lady pee, I don't think that's such a good idea. I will do just about anything EXCEPT inject myself with hCG to lose weight.

Withdrawing from school has some lasting effects, but it's better also. I went for a follow up appointment with my MD and then also saw the psychiatrist this week. The MD advised me to get healthy and more stable before gradually adding more things to the stress of my life. I think she's right. I'm not doing summer school. I could, theoretically, use my savings to pay for at least a couple of classes, but I think I'm going to opt not to. There's no way I can get my associate's before December (the mission eligibility date) so I should not try to push myself too hard. I admire those people who can take 17 credit hours and work 2 jobs and still maintain 4.0 GPAs. I am not one of them. I had 15 credit hours and one 36 hour per week job and I couldn't do it. So, at least I know my limits. I keep telling myself that this will all work out. It will, I just don't see how. I need to at least do fall next year, or my student loans will become due. Not good.

Well, I need to pack, so I really should go. I'm lame, I know. Later.