Ok...yesterday I loved my life, today, not so much.

GRRRR.....

So I went to the gym today, as usual, after I got off work. Then, I came home and I weighed myself, also as usual. (I know it's bad but I weigh myself like twice a day) Don't bother telling me it's not going to help, because I already know that. But, I do it anyway. GREAT NEWS!!!!!.....(*cue the sarcasm*) I'm back up to 270. That's AWESOME!!! You know what that means? I am not going to want to eat diddly-squat tomorrow. That will last about half of the day, and then I'm going to be starving, so I'll stuff my face with crap that's really bad for me, and then feel like poop about it later, and then try to work out even harder at the gym to compensate, but it really won't do anything for me, so I'll just get frustrated again, and because I'm frustrated, I'll eat. Why did I get this struggle in life? Why couldn't I be a skinny girl, but have really bad acne or something. Why do I, of all people, have to be the FAT girl with blubber that makes me look like a whale? EW. The worst part of all of this is that I try, and I try, and I try, and I do really well at first (think 261 kind of good) and then I just get tired of it and I gain weight again. At least I'm consistent with the gym. There are worse things, I think.........at least I hope so. I can't really think of anything off the top of my head, but I'm sure there's worse things.

If this whole mission thing really is important to me, then you'd think that would be motivation enough to eat raw celery until I die. At least then I won't have choices of what to eat. Who knows? I've heard that people with more routine and less choices in their diet lose more weight. I just need to find like 3 foods that I really, really like, and then just eat those every day. But, I probably shouldn't choose carrots or I might turn orange. Not "I've just been to the tanning bed" orange, more like "I only eat carrots so I don't get fatter" kind of orange. I don't know which is worse. Hmmm...if I only eat celery, will I turn green? I dunno. Things to ponder....

Why can't one thing in my life just be easy. School's hard, work's hard, losing weight is hard, going on a mission's hard, keeping my apartment clean is hard, keeping my head on straight is hard, singing people in love is hard, etc. etc. That leads me to my next rant: Why am I not attractive to the opposite gender whatsoever? Or at least, Why don't they ask me out? Is there something missing? Or am I really that ugly? I don't think I'm ugly.....maybe I'm mistaken. I guess that it doesn't matter if I'm pretty if I'm not skinny and pretty. You have to be both, I suppose. I'd like to believe that there really are guys out there who see who I really am, and that I really do have a lot to offer. However, I have yet to meet one. Guys are more than happy to be my friend, but soon enough they turn to me with their girl problems, like I'm supposed to sit there and listen while they go on about how dumb this girl acted, or how she didn't really care about their date, or whatever. Like, "Oh, it's just Liz. I can talk to her about anything because she'll never be more to me than just my friend..." OY! I just get frustrated sometimes....

Well, I guess once I lose weight, I won't be fat anymore, and then maybe I can possibly go on some dates, or be pretty enough, or whatever. Meh. I'm done ranting for today.