what the heck, I have more to say

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW...I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see. That's actually a lie. I HATE what I see. OMG...If you could see me naked, I'm pretty sure you'd be grossed out. Even I am, and I'm inside of here...There's lots and lots of flab. There's also lots and lots of stretch marks. My feet, my hands, and my face are the only places on my body without them. I had a friend suggest I consider stretch mark reducing creams for pregnant ladies. Great, normal people only get these when they're prego. I have them because I'm fat. That sucks.

I am 270 pounds. Most people get disgusted with themselves when they're 170 pounds. That's a hundred less than me. I would pay lots and lots of money (assuming I had it) to be at 170. Well, that's a long way from now. Even the now 35 pounds I need to lose by August seems like a long way from now. I want to believe I can do it, but that really big bowl of Cheerios I just ate probably isn't helping.

I HATE THIS!!!!!!

UGH! I feel like it's out of control. Why can't I just be on the Biggest Loser or something. I have a trainer, but she doesn't get into my face and yell at me. Sometimes I wish she would. I wish that I had like 4 months where I could just do nothing but lose weight. Then, I'm positive it would happen. I could spend my days hiking, and biking, and swimming, and climbing, and a plethora of other outdoor activites. But, since I'm working, and in school, and trying to lose weight, and preparing for a mission, I don't really see how that would be possible. I should still apply.

We'll see. I'm probably not cool enough to actually get on the show.