So much for 285!!! (In a good way!)

Ok, it's official...I love my life. Things are wonderful. They really are. Granted, some days they really suck, but other times they're grand and you can look at the things that you do accomplish, and you realize that while things still suck, they don't suck quite as bad as they used to.

So, I realized today that I haven't updated this blog in far too long, and there may actually be people out there who could benefit from the ramblings of a semi-sane human being who sometimes wishes she were a beautiful giselle. But, on the other hand, giselles frequently find to need to outrun a cheetah. No matter how fast the giselle runs, she may not ever be faster than the cheetah. So, rather than compare herself to the cheetah (something she will never be) she is going to decide to bask in the glory that is her. She needs to focus on the beautiful things that she is, rather than what she was created to be. If God wanted to make me a cheetah, he would have.

This leads me to my next point: focusing on the little things, rather than how far I have left to go. Rather than the 285 that I was, I am now at 265. Granted, I'd rather be at 135, but that's ok. Actually that's a lie....I'd be ecstatic at 235. So, losing more than a hundred more pounds before December? Probably not happening. Why am I not horribly depressed about this? Because I am making progress. Slow, and steady progress, but progress none the less. HOLY GUACAMOLE!!!! That means I've already lost 20 pounds. That's such a big deal! Yay for me!

So, at this point in my life, I am doing this because I want this! I am not doing this so I can have a wonderful golden birthday (the birthday where your birth-day of the month matches the year you are turning...so in my case that's my 21st birthday because I was born on the 21st of December.) I am doing this because I want a healthy body. I want to be a major hottie. I do. But I think that's because I never have been. It's one thing to be something, have it go away, and make it a goal to get it back. Because I never have been a major hottie, this is a totally new thing for me. I hope that afterward people I haven't seen in forever see me and wonder who I am. Then, I can start talking, or singing, or something and they'll realize I've been beautiful all along, it was just hiding.

More about the gym: I got a personal trainer! Best decision I could have made. Abbi is wonderful. At first, I loathed the gym and everything about it. Then, I forced myself to go because I felt like I should. I didn't know why, but it was still important. Then, I got a trainer (because, let's face it: I'm clueless when it comes to stuff like the gym). It's $140 a month, but totally worth it. I only went the once a week I met with the trainer at first, because I would be so tired afterward that I dreaded the rest of the week. And, the first 3 times I went, I almost passed out. That was scary. I knew that there was something wrong with that, but I couldn't pinpoint it. It turns out that you can't go to the gym and work out on an empty stomach. It freaks out your body. Plus, you get a massive headache so big you want to just sleep for a week afterward. But, after the first month or so, I started going more frequently. At first, it was just twice a week, which was still better than once. And, I started eating breakfast beforehand. Then, I moved it to after work. My body began wanting the gym. I could feel this urge to go amongst the other sweaty bodies and run around a little bit. Also at first, I started with the elliptical machine. (It's great: low impact, and if your legs get tired, you can drag yourself to keep going by using your arms to help) Then, I added the treadmill and the bike. Last week, for the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE I went to the gym 6 times. M-Th from 9pm-10:30pm. Then Friday, I met with Abbi in the morning from 7:30-8am. So, things are good!

My biggest struggle is the food thing. I use food for WAY MORE than just the fuel my body needs. I use it for love, for comfort, for boredom, or just because. It's lame. I need help with that, but I don't know how it's going to work out.....I just need to try harder. I need to be down to 135 by August. There's no ifs ands of buts about it at this point!!

The reason this whole weight loss thing is so important to me at THIS POINT is because of my mission. I want to serve a full-time prostelyting mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. There is not ONE THING in my life that makes me happier than knowing I have a Savior who paved the way back to my Father in Heaven. I want to return and live with Him forever. I know, without a doubt in my mind, that this Gospel is real. Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, live and love me. Sometimes I do things that are really dumb. But, that's ok. They still love me. They still answer my sometimes feeble attempts at prayer. I am happy when I'm living my life in a way that God would want me to. When I include Him in my plans, they always work out in ways I didn't even realize were possible. Or, they work out, but not how I thought they would. I LOVE THIS GOSPEL more than anything else. So, I want to share this love, this joy, and pure unaltered happiness with everyone I know. Not everybody wants to hear it, and I understand that, but everybody needs the opportunity. There are experiences I've had in my life that are uniquely mine, and once again I have the privilege of fighting for something that's important to me. When it came to becoming a baptised member of my church, I had several family members who were against it, one of which was my dad. My mom was supportive, and believed it herself, but because my parents had joint custody of me after their divorce, both parents' permission was needed. I wanted it. I wanted to be a member because I felt the fire that surrounded the things I learned in my classes. I felt the Holy Ghost enter my heart, and I wanted it to stay there. But, that was a privilege I had to wait for. So, I waited 10 years until I turned 18 and could decide for myself that's what I wanted. I did it. I turned 18 December 21, 2006 and was baptised that very day. It changed my life forever. I have the right to the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. It helps and guides me to make good, and sometimes better choices than I would have on my own. Now, I have the opportunity to share this with others. But, in order to do that, I need to have a BMI of 37 or below. Which, because of my height (5'7") I can weigh no more than 235 pounds, or I'm ineligible to serve. I'm just glad I know this now, a few months before I start the papers, rather than submitting them for evaluation and getting rejected. This requirements are there for a reason. The Church wants missionaries who will be successful. They want us to be healthy. That's why we have the Word of Wisdom and the knowledge God has given us about our bodies. They're sacred and important. I need to take better care of mine.

Ok, I'm getting tired now....time for bed. More later!